


Bones Very Bad Day

by tkbenjamin



Category: Star Trek Reboot
Genre: F/M, gender swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 22:01:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9680825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkbenjamin/pseuds/tkbenjamin
Summary: Leona Bones knew she should have stayed in bed. Damn it.





	

Bones was having a no good, god damned, very bad day. It had all started at breakfast when she'd gotten a subspace communique from her no good louse of an ex husband and gone down hill from there. 

 

“Dr. McCoy, you have a communication from Starfleet,” Sulu’s voice came over the speaker. 

Bones huffed and checked another set of readings. “Someone hit the Comms panel for me. My hands are occupied,” she said and watched as one of her nurses scurried to the wall panel and pressed a button. 

“McCoy here,” she snapped. 

“Dr, you have a sunspace communication coming through from Starfleet. It's from Commodore Pike,” Sulu’s disembodied voice said through the panel. 

“Well put him through man. I don't have all day,” Bones snapped already readying yet another hypospray. 

“Yes Doctor. Putting the Commodore through now,” Sulu said. 

“Dr. McCoy. Why do I have a Priority One Red Alert Comm with your name on it?” the familiar voice asked. 

“Well greetings to you too Commodore. It's lovely to hear from you. I've had an absolutely wonderful day thank you so much for asking. And how are you this fine day?” Bones asked facetiously. 

Pike huffed and his deep chuckle came over the Comm Panel. 

“Sorry, where are my manners? How are you Doctor? Have you had an interesting day?” Pike asked indulgently. 

“Well thank you for asking. My day started out wonderfully. I was enjoying my breakfast even. Then I got a communication from my no god louse of an ex husband. He kindly informed me that since I spend so much of my time off planet, he was going to petition the courts for full custody of the daughter I carried for nine months. Apparently that Trollope he cheated on me with and eventually married, he thinks would make a better mother than me. 

Then the Enterprise stopped to pick up the Diplomatic Delegation from Uttara and Lo and behold if that wasn't just its own special clusterfuck. They had barely materialised in the transporter pad when they started firing. Commander Spock managed to get himself between the Captain and them and took three blasts from a Klingon Disruptor before they were subdued. They are now in our Brig and Commander Spock had put himself in a Healing Trance. 

Then Captain Kirk apparently is allergic to the pollens from the flowers they were wearing and I'm currently trying to keep him alive by any means at my disposal. At present his heart is beating strongly and his breathing is finally regular. So since this was a medical emergency, I've had to release the Captain from duty and since the Second Officer is healing himself, I've been left in charge, as the CMO and third highest ranking officer,” she told him acerbically. 

“Very well Doctor. I understand all that, however the Priority One Red Alert is only to be used in the case of a ‘holy shit, we’re all about to die,’ situation and you know this. So why the P. O. R. A.?” Pike questioned. 

“Oh yes well, I thought the two Romulan Birds of Prey off our bow would warrant the P. O. R. A. If I was wrong, I'm sorry,” she finished sarcastically. 

“What! You didn't- impo. You should have told me that to begin with Bones,” Pike yelled. 

“Shields at sixty percent and dropping,” came Sulu’s calm voice. 

“Oh pish posh, Commodore. I just needed your permission to destroy the two Birds of Prey. As acting Captain I need permission to engage,” Bones said finally leaning away from Jim, now his readings had become normal again. 

“Granted! Permission granted!” Pike yelled. 

Bones walked over to the panel and opened a channel to the Bridge. 

“Mr Sulu, did you hear the Commodore give permission?” She asked. 

“Yes Mam, Captain,” his voice replied promptly. 

“Very well Mr. Sulu. Initiate planned manoeuvre, Ring Around the Rosie, authorisation McCoy alpha bravo miner miner hobgoblin, ” Bones said. 

“Aye, aye. All hands brace!” Sulu said and Bones took hold of the bar on the wall. She felt as the ship started to turn, then the stabilisers kicked in and gravity readjusted so the crew didn't go spinning into walls. Seconds later she felt the ship take off. “Mr. Sulu. Damage report,” she snapped out. 

“We still have minimal damage to decks three and five. Maintenance crews and engineering are on their way. I can report also that the two Birds of Prey had considerable damage to their weapons and propulsion systems and won't be following us any time soon. We are currently traveling at Warp 2, headed for Star Base Vassili for repairs. We should reach the Star Base in about two hours at this Warp Mam.”

“Thank you, Mr Sulu. McCoy out.”

“Ahmmm.” A voice said. 

“Oh you're still there Chris,” she said a little surprised. 

“Ring around the Rosie?” He asked. 

“Huh, yeah. Jim and I came up with it when we were teaching Spock about Terran nursery rhymes. You ‘Ring around the Rosie. A pocketful of posie. A tissue a tissue we all fall down.’ It's all about the Black Plague and death. Well the manoeuvre sets the ship spinning and firing all at once, targeting essential systems like propulsion and weapons then takes off at an immediate Warp Two. Essentially we spin a ring and the enemy falls down,” she finished and shrugged. 

“Excellent. So you're headed to Star Base Vasili. I'll meet you there with Joanna in about 35 hours. You see, I got a comm from your ex husband’s attorney this morning too. I set our attorney on it. Then I took a security team with me and paid him a visit. Reminding him that you are a military hero, and married to me, another military hero who is stationed on earth and if he didn't pull his head out of his ass I was going to expose all of his little peccadillos to the light of day. I also reminded him why your nickname is Bones. You know how you can carry a grudge right down to your bones when it's warranted. 

Long story short. We now have full custody of Joanna and he and his lovely wife are moving planets. I suggested leaving a few solar systems between us. Joanna is ecstatic. She said, his wife makes her wear dresses and keeps telling her she shouldn't be smart because men don't like smart women. Jo says she can't stand dresses and wants to be a Doctor just like her real mom.

Maybe I'll tell her you're also a hell of an acting Captain. Might set her in the Command Track on Starfleet, we always have room for people of strength and character,” Christopher Pike said, a smug smile in his voice. 

“What do you mean, we have custody?” Bones asked disbelieving. “That asshole fought me having joint custody from the beginning.”

 

“Yes well. Our attorney took the case to a new judge. Along with your service record, my service record and a folio of your ex’s dealings and exploits. The judge decided we were a much better influence on Jo. So she's currently running around the Academy and apparently terrorizing both students and faculty. She is definitely your daughter. So we'll see you in approximately 35 hours. Get there safe and stay safe. Pike out.”

The Comms went quiet. Bones smiled to herself and rubbed her arms, slowly walking to her patients bedsides. Jim was stable and recovering quickly. Spock’s readings said he was in the last cycle of his healing trance and she was going to see her daughter and husband in only a matter of hours. Maybe her day wasn't so very bad after all.


End file.
